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i hate multivariable calculus.
i really don't need this crap. i mean to be a doctor, you only need basic calc. which i understand just fine.
my mind has trouble comprehending more than 2 variables in a function.
stupid wpi and how they brag about "oh we finish courses in 3/4 of a year instead of a full year like other schools" so what's the point of the 4th term? to take so-called sophomore classes?
i graduate in about a month.
I CANT WAIT TO LEAVE THIS SCHOOL. I love Mass Academy, but I can't stand the engineering-obsessed WPI.
I haven't posted anything in forever.
Brian and I are very unmotivated about writing.
I find myself dreading poetry slams at Clark now. I don't...really like the students there. As my mentor said, they're all waiting to leave the slams so they can get drunk and party, I mean they are on Friday nights.
Last one is tomorrow. Might as well. Finish out the year.
So for a while I doubted my writing abilities. Because I've gotten such low scores at slams, its so discouraging. Especially when people read shitty poems and get top scores.
Then I realized. I suck at performing. My poems really aren't that bad. I get a lot of positive feedback actually. But I don't practice enough, I'm too shaky and nervous. Kind of explains why Anna wins a lot of slams, her poems are alright, but she's an actress.
I need to stop caring what people think and just let myself out there on stage, be free.

this has never happened to me before...

but i'm in danger of failing my math class. fucking midterm. and my professor is just blaming us for not studying enough. or not going to office hours. um. the TA (who is a much better teacher than him) had office hours during a FUCKING SNOWSTORM and i'm sorry if i'd rather not die in the snow.
it just sucks because i really don't want to retake this class over the summer. and i want to go complain to dtravs but i don't want to sound whiny or trying to lay the blame on someone else. maybe i didn't study enough, but a lot of the class didn't do so well. i mean, the highest was a B.
my other classes aren't going as well as i hoped. nothing has been going right for me lately. meh.
i hate being at a technical school. wpi seriously makes me hate life.

thoughts...

I want to help Haiti. I really do.
But i feel like simply joining Internet groups and donating money isn't enough.
I want to be there, directly helping people. I want to see the difference I made, because while money is useful, how do you know how it is spent?
I don't know...I've been feeling like a prick for seeing all these Facebook groups and ignoring them...but I honestly don't see the point of them. Maybe they get people to donate money, but I think my mom is taking care of that.
I wish I could do something. I think this is why I've wanted to be a doctor like...all my life.

Jan. 13th, 2010

Tis the night before the start of C Term
I'm not going to get all poetic, because I've sort of...laid that aside I guess. I've just gotten the feeling that I suck as a poet, and i don't really belong there.
Anyway I'm fixing my volunteer reflection, which was total crap. Due before I start class.
Speaking of class I should really memorize my schedule. Or at least figure out where my classes are first haha.
We did senior superlatives today. With so many to choose from, pretty much everybody gets one. I reallyreally don't want to get Best Programmer but I probably will since no other girl at Mass Acad likes computers as much as I do. Plus I do have the nerdiest boyfriend.
I reallyreally love Regina Spektor's latest cd.
I'm really not excited to go back to WPI :/ Stupid boring engineering school. Today we found out the average GPA for a WPI student is 2.9, while for Mass Academy, it's 3.6 or whatever. Apparently I'm about average. By Mass Acad standards. This school is too smart.
Not having anything to do is literally making me insane.
I swear I'm bipolar or something like that.

Nonconformity is alive and well

Today, I met somebody who indirectly reminded me of why I love being different from the crowd.
It just made me think I guess...

Jan. 5th, 2010

Stolen from the wonderful Kylee :D
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So last night I had a wonderful time. Without alcohol.
Which is more than I can say about most people.
Not that I'm judging of course. I'm just incredibly nerdy haaaah.
Guess it's not really my thing, or I just don't have the right friends/connections.

We basically played Monopoly all night...stupid guys being all competitive (mostly Anant, who is too obsessed with money and finance.)
Then it almost became midnight, half of us stopped the game to make out, to the i suppose awkwardness of the single people and disapproval of Anant. Lol.

Anyway...happy 2010 everyone!!! And to the class of 2010...WOOOOOT!