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May. 2nd, 2010

i wish i knew who i am.
ever since i was little, i wanted to be a doctor. no chance of that happening now...i am terrible at science. :/ thanks mass academy, for helping me to realize that. just checked my chemistry grades...i have lost too many points on tests to get an A *sadness* what pisses me off is...i've been working so hard this term, reading the book and doing a ton of questions...while the person next to me (won't name names) plays on his computer all during lectures, doesn't study, and is doing way better than me. and he's not even going to be a chemistry major...argh life is unfair.
i doubt i'd get an A in math this term either...which is starting to make me doubt that i deserve tufts. i mean...im clearly not smart enough.
i can do math...i admit senioritis has caught up to me in math this term...i just can't apply science to real life? *is fail* i'm not a scientist, i used to think i was good at science, now i don't know anything about myself.
maybe mass academy has taught me that...i'm not cut out for the math/science fields. maybe i should be an english major or something haha.
and...going to a poetry thing...i don't know if i'm cut out to be a poet. i mean sure, it seems that anybody can write poetry, it's so diverse and everyone has their own perspective...but do i have the right to call myself a poet?
and i was wondering about the future of the poetry stuff. i was sad that i'm not going to be around to make the worcester youth poetry team (wonder who got in...couldn't do it since i'm not going to be around during brave new voices in july)
and just...can i continue this stuff for the rest of my life? will i still have time? will i even care about poetry in 5 years?
i need something to cheer me up. these past few days have been awful and i just don't know what to do with myself.
i'm so confused about myself, life, the future... *sighs*

Comments

(Deleted comment)
xxfromthisdayon
May. 5th, 2010 01:44 am (UTC)
I need to catch up on tv shows...hows B&S?
Haven't seen it in a while...it's so unfortunate that I'm a procrastinator, good shows are on Sunday nights, and I'm too busy finishing homework due Monday to watch them haha